The last couple of days have been pretty rough. I'm feeling very under appreciated. Not by my husband. He tells me all the time how great I am. A little bit by my kids, but hey they're kids. I already know they won't appreciate me until they have their own kids. So mostly I've been feeling under appreciated by myself. Nothing I do is ever good enough. I spend hours cleaning the house only to have it torn apart again within minutes and instead of realizing that people live here and that's what happens. I do the whole "why can't I just keep on top of things?" routine. Then there's the whole "why do I have to be so tired all the time?" "Why can't I just get my butt out of bed to take care of my kids like all the other moms do?" "Why can't I be more patient like Heidi?" It's all so exhausting!
Well, anyway. Yesterday I had pretty much reached my low. I was feeling down about everything and anything I could think of. Then I heard my husband in my head saying "Don't be so hard on yourself all the time!" Seriously sometimes I wish I could be more like a guy and just think I am the coolest thing to ever walk the earth. That pulled me out of it a little bit. Enough to realize what I really needed to do was step back from it all and just sit down and read my scriptures. Only I couldn't find them, so I went to the next best thing. The ensign. (a church magazine) anyway, there are some really great articles in there this month and by the time I was done I went away thinking "you know, if my biggest problems right now are a chaotic house and being really tired than I am doing pretty dang good." In fact, I felt a little embarrassed for myself.
So, today I tried to pull myself together a little bit better. I still couldn't get my butt out of bed until I absolutely had to or Samm was going to be late for school. But I did shower, put on clothes instead of sweats, and I even trimmed my bangs.
Now it's time for bed. But before I snuggle into my soft sheets I'm going to pray. Pray for help to make it through tomorrow. I'll pray for you too, because there isn't a Mom out there who doesn't need it.
14 comments:
Oh Sally, I loved reading this. I had reached a similar low last night. Feeling like I spend every waking minute doing stuff for my kids and when do I get to do what i want to do and did you really just spill milk all over the kitchen floor I just barely cleaned? And amen to how reading the scriptures or Ensign can help your perspective. I love that you're praying for all us moms. We totally need it.
loves.
Love you lots Sally!
You are an amazing person all around! We all get to those lows sometimes. I am so glad we have the knowledge of who we are and our amazing potential to bring us back up though! :) Isn't it great knowing that all we have to do is open the scriptures or Ensign and Heavenly Father speaks to us and reminds us that we are doing alright and to hang in there and that he loves us! :) Thanks for sharing! I am glad you are feeling better. love ya!
I am sure all of us mom's feel the same way every now and then. I envy you all the time for how crafy you are and how you have all these cool ideas and crafts. I hate that all I do is housework and then more housework. You would think there was more to life than a super clean house. If you ever need to get out of the house just come on over. You know I am usually always home.
A Most Excellent post! You go girl. You are the only person I would let rip the hair off my upper lip! I think you are super great! I love your honesty! Josh is right. You are too hard on yourself sometimes!
Sally I know you are a great Mom and there isn't a mom out there that wouldn't read your post and completely agree. Being a mom is the biggest emotional roller coaster ride ever. Hope today is better for you!
Being a mom is tough. Other people get to leave it all at the office but we are always at work. I think we have all felt that not good enough feeling. I feel it everyday but you looked to the right source for comfort. Heavenly Father loves us and He is proud of what we do each day whether our house is messy or clean. You love your babies so you are an AWESOME mom.
Thanks for praying for the rest of us too. I know I need it!
Sally, I think this is the biggest weakness in the women of our generation. We just don't think we are good enough and are constantly comparing ourselves to other women who are "perfect". I felt this same way through out most of my mission - I learned a lot about myself and how to overcome it but I still feel this is my greatest weakness. I have even felt really guilty for taking a week off of work before I have my baby...yeah....there is something wrong with us all. You are great and I love reading your blog because you are so inspiring to me :) Love ya!
This was a good post. i think we all get feeling this way...I always read other blogs and see these moms as amazing, tidy, on top of everything, dinner ready by 6...and the list goes on. I get pretty down too sometimes and it's good to know that other people feel the same way. If it makes you feel maybe a tiny bit better, I always look at your blog and think what a creative and fun mom you must be...and I think i should be more like you some days!!
Hey Sally! You know I learned in Relief Society (one of the few times that I was there) that depression is one of Satan's greatest tools. He uses it to make us think that we are not important or that our lives are uneventful and we are not good enough. You are a wonderful daughter of our Heavenly Father and you are raising his spirit children. What a devine calling we mothers have! That Satan needs to be bound up for 1,000 years!!! I love you greatly and I think that you are great.
You are not alone! I have to drag myself out of bed every morning and I never have the energy needed to do right by my family and myself! Being a mom, having no energy really does makes me feel like a failure all the time in so many ways! I'm glad that you were able to get some hope and support through the gospel. I've been praying for better health and energy (so that I can be a better wife and mother) daily for a very long time now...now I will pray for others with the same struggles. Thank you!
I feel like that a lot too! I feel like I haven't been getting any of the stuff I want to done, so I made myself this stupid spreadsheet of everything that I want to get done everyday and it has helped me a lot. Sounds dumb I know, but I love making lists and schedules.
So true - So get you. We all go through it. I'm hoping that I'll go to bed at a decent hour tonight so that I can get up before 8 or 8:30am (yeah - what kind of loser Mom sleeps in that late?) - and get my workout done way before my 11am deadline (today's finishing time). Perhaps I'll even workout, read scriptures, shower and look fab before the kids are up at 7am - now wouldn't that be a miracle? Oh yes - miracle of miracles, I must say!
PS - Actually - despite my lack of - I feel pretty good about all I am doing. Going to school, loving my kids, cooking dinners pretty regularly, keeping a clean house, and attempting to fulfill personal goals. Those are always harder. Just gotta kick it harder - pray harder. I'll get it. I know you will too. You're awesome!
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