I'm sure most of you have heard by now, but in case your not up to date on the exciting details of our lives, I have decided to home school James. I've written a lot about the back story on my other blog
here, but I want to write more of the personal details here. There are so many things I don't want to forget and I want James to be able to read about them someday.
The decision to home school James took me all of 3 seconds when I finally allowed myself to accept that it was possible. Or really, to accept that I could possibly handle it. I asked James right away if he would be interested in learning at home and without hesitation he said "Yes!"
I asked him on a Monday if he wanted to home school and without much preparation we started the next day. I honestly had no idea what to expect on our first morning, but I was preparing myself for the worst. James hadn't exactly been the easiest child to work with in the past and I pretty much dreaded the kids coming home from school everyday simply because I would have to help him with (force him to do) homework. I was sure that he would argue with me when I asked him to do his work, and I was almost prepared for him to beg me to let him go back to school after the first day. My goal however was to make it to Christmas. I was hoping that by then that I would see results, and that those results would compel me to keep going.
I prayed a lot the night before we started about whether or not this really was what was best for James, and for myself to have what it took to be his teacher. I will admit I didn't have that overwhelming burning of peace, but I did feel calm, and that was enough for me to move forward.
If I had felt that my prayers had not been answered as fully as I would have liked the night before, I was immediately humbled and grateful when James woke up more cheerful than I had ever seen him on a school day. And then I asked him to help Laila get cereal for breakfast and his answer was "sure mom." I honestly can't recall if he had ever responded like that before to a request for help. What I can tell you is that his normal response would have been to either pretend like he didn't hear me at all or whine and ask "why do I have to do it?"
He even did all his school work without complaint and at the end of the day said "home school is awesome!"
After the first day I was excited about how things had gone, but still had my doubts. I thought maybe the excitement of staying home would wear off after a few days and he would be back to his normal self, but the changes in him over the last few weeks continue to amaze me and I am finally starting to realize that he is just now getting back to his normal self. He is finally the happy boy I remember.
He continues to say "sure mom" just about any time I ask him to do something. He has made enormous strides in his reading because he finally cares about doing it right and even sets goals on his own to get all the words on the pages right. He has been incredibly affectionate to not just me, but to his sisters. On Samm's birthday he could not stop telling her what a great sister she is and even offered to play whatever she wanted that day. (showing consideration for other people's feelings is a huge step that I am so excited about!) He continues to wake up happy and ready for school each morning, and in our prayer together one morning after we had read from the Book of Mormon reader, he said "please help me to be like Nephi so I can always be righteous." This one especially had me on my own knees later that day giving thanks, because just a few months ago he told me that he did not want to go on a mission when he got older.
There are still days that are mentally and physically exhausting for me. Today was especially hard, because we sat at home all day yesterday listening to General conference so he was a little wound up with energy. The beautiful thing about being at home though is that we can take as many breaks as we need and when he is bouncing off the walls I can send him outside with instructions to bounce 100 times on his pogo stick before he comes back inside. We can also make slime anytime we want!
Even with all the incredible changes I've seen in James, what amazes me most is the evidence that Heavenly Father is watching out for us. He is making it possible for me to give James exactly what he needs right now and still manage all the other things in my life. Before homeschooling I felt like I was loosing the juggling act that was my life. I've cried many times to Josh about how overwhelmed I felt just from my day to day responsibilities and how I couldn't do it all. I certainly don't still do it "all" now every day, but somehow in the same number of hours as I always had before, I am able to educate my son, maintain a somewhat orderly home, take on as many if not more hair appointments, add a second church calling, watch a friends little girl twice a week, and help out in Macy's classroom every Friday.
On my own, none of this would be possible, but I know that through Him all things are possible. I can let go of selfish desires and find joy in devoting myself to teaching James each day, and my weaknesses (time management) can become my strength.
I never in a million years thought that I would be a home school mom, but I am so excited about what James and I are doing right now, and I can't wait to see how he continues to grow and mature throughout the course of this year.
