It's definitely no secret that I do not enjoy nursing. I think it has to do with the fact that I'm not a touchy person, and I don't like pulling my shirt up every couple of hours. But here's the thing...I finally talked to the Dr. yesterday about all the stomach issues that Macy is having and he suggested either switching to soy formula or eating a very very bland diet. No eggs, wheat, milk, vegetables, peanuts, or citrus fruit. Basically he meant don't eat anything. Well, that's not entirely true, he did suggest mashed potatoes and chicken broth. Mmmmm my mouth is watering just thinking about it.
So when I got home I decided to see if she would take a bottle of formula for me. Up until now it's been kind of a fight to get her to take a bottle with breast milk in it, so I wasn't very optimistic about soy formula. Which if you can believe smells even worse than the regular stuff.
She did surprisingly well. She latched on immediately and drank the whole thing like it's what she's been doing for three months. And today she has not had any gas issues at all. Hurray!!
She has been doing a lot of crying in between the feedings though, and hasn't slept for more than thirty minutes at a time. I really do think in the long run this is going to be the best thing for her and me, but tonight I find myself feeling sad, like I've lost something special that I didn't know I even wanted.
I know giving her a bottle doesn't make me a bad Mom, but it does feel like it just a little bit.
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
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5 comments:
I understand but don't be too hard on yourself. It's been over three months and you have fought a good fight!
I felt the same way after trying to breast feed Logan for two weeks. When I switched to the bottle I felt like such a failure. I would have loved to breast feed, but bottle feeding has it's benefits too. Like making others feed your baby when you are not up to it. Plus it will be easier when we are in Cancun and you don't have to keep pumping!!!
I agree with Corey...that once the initial "unexpected heartache" is over then it will be so much easier for everyone. I remember hating bottle feeding Ashley at first b/c I was forced too, but eventually I realized that I had the memories (that ended pleasant)and then focused on that it was just as routine to feed her as it was to feed Connor, got over it pretty quick.
I only breast fed Avenley for about a month she ended up on soy milk too. Paisley wouldn't latch on when she was so weak. I never breast fed her. It's hard to give up that bonding thing, but I was glad Beau got to bond during feeding times. And I was anxious to get Paisley out of NICU so I was glad she took a bottle.
I understand. Even though you aren't big on nursing, it's still a bond you have with baby. And since you have a stronger bond with her then say your other babies, that makes it harder. You are definately NOT a bad mom!
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